Emotional Struggles · Health & Art


Today is the first day I’ve awakened in a very long time and felt like even thinking about painting.

First, of course and leaning over everything like a glowering vulture has been COVID19. We are far from past the worst, in face, I suspect at this point we are just entering the portal of the worst here in the US, but I am doing what I can to remain safe.

Realistically, I know that no one (and I mean no one) had any prior immunity to this thing and neither do I. Eventually, my husband and I are both likely to get it as are my sons and daughters-in-law and step-grandchildren. I’m just hoping they are young enough and healthy enough to weather that storm when it comes for them. I’m also hoping that by isolating ourselves, my husband and I can avoid it long enough that the scientists can come up with a better treatment then shoving a ventilator tube down your throat. I’m also hoping that we can escape this first wave altogether and the second wave (and subsequent waves) like the eternally present influenza, is weaker and herd immunity has started to kick in among most of the population. By the time I catch it, they will know how to manage it better. And perhaps there will be a vaccine.

My Mom died on Saturday evening. Not of COVID19, thank goodness for it is a horrible way to die; but quietly in her bed in a facility that worked with the hospice team to allow her a peaceful passage. Thankfully, the facility, despite being on lock down, did allow my youngest sister and my two brothers in to see her prior to her passing. She will be cremated tomorrow and the family plans to have a celebration of her life here at the property she and my Dad loved so much, perhaps the end of the summer or next fall: whenever it is safe for the large scattered family to come together.

My step-daughter, an RN at a nearby hospital, was infected with COVID19 and is recovering at home. We message each other daily and she reports she is doing better each day, but she is well into the second week of being sick. She lives with her mother (my husband’s ex) and we worry that she may also succumb to this thing. One of the grand-daughters is also there. Her sisters and brother are scattered about right now. The youngest is with his father, the eldest in her home with her four children, and the college student (now out of college due to the virus) is living with a friend.

Then there are my three sons and their families. My eldest lives in Pennsylvania with his wife. She works in juvenile justice and he works for a lawn care company. So far, both continue to work. She is less able then he to maintain social distancing, but they are trying their best. My middle son works for a tree service company and it is considered an essential business (which makes particular good sense as we enter storm season). When not working he is supervising the three kids. His wife is running a small restaurant and so far they have successfully transformed into an all take-out set up so they have been able to keep their employees and still have money coming in. They only just last month began the transition of taking over the business from her former boss and have hopes of making it into a long term family business., so this has been pretty scary for them. My youngest is on the front lines working at a grocery store. He is what is known in the business as a “shopper” or a “picker”. Folks can order what they need on line and he races around the store and fills the order. Thanks to smart phones he can chat with a customer about choices and substitutions when supplies are out or low. When its all done, he checks them out and lets them know to pull up in their car and puts their groceries in the car for them. He said they are very busy right now. He lives with a friend who cleans houses for a living, but is probably not doing much of that right now. So far, everyone has been staying healthy.

But I haven’t felt much like painting, but I’m getting closer to coming out of the funk I think. Oddly, knowing my Mom passed peacefully has helped. She is no longer in pain, no longer missing her husband and no longer depressed.

I am deeply horrified by our president’s ineptitude and animosity, but greatly impressed and encouraged by the courage and leadership of the governors across this country who are facing this pandemic head-on and focused on truth, logic and getting things done. The economy will be in the toilet for a while, but I do believe many lives are ultimately being saved; and that is the most important thing. Mother Earth is having a little break from smog and a lot of pollution caused by us running all over her because right now, we are not. Hopefully, the world and our country will learn lessons from this experience and become a kinder, gentler place. I hope.

At least I can also get out and enjoy Spring flowers and help my husband a little bit in our vegetable garden.

4 thoughts on “Inertia

  1. My condolences.

    We do get your news here in Canada and are seeing the terrible devastating events in New York City among others and the resilience of the American people facing this crisis.

    Thankfully, spring has arrived in our hemisphere and although we are told to stay home, we can spend a bit of time outdoors. It is still too early to work in the garden but it won’t be long and I am looking forward to it.

    Stay safe …this too shall pass.


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